I'm Not A Selfish Person, But Apparently I Need To Be...

So anyone who knows me knows that I would do anything for anyone within my power.  What most people don't know or realize that 90% of this is at my own expense.  A recent ending of a long time friendship has had me re-evaluating my life.  When did being a nice caring person who would do anything for the important people in her life automatically make you a doormat?  I don't want to be anyone's doormat!  I am a firm believer in owning up to your own shit and being responsible.  We are humans and we make mistakes.  Don't try to push that onto other people.  It isn't fair.

So after two weeks of feeling like a horrible person for not doing anything wrong, I've decided that I need to be more selfish.  I can't keep putting my own life on hold to help those who will never appreciate my efforts or understand the sacrifice that I make.  I have been stuck not pursuing my own dreams and my own life because everyone else around me mattered more.  Even though putting others before yourself is usually perceived as a good thing it has been my curse, because when do I matter more?

So I am starting my new year's resolution early.  I'm still having trouble accepting the end of this friendship, but for now I'm going to put on some lipstick and get through the day.  If I don't care of me, no one will.  For now on it is all about me... if you don't like it, suck it!